The only item I have ever felt like I owned in my life was a puzzle my dad got me when I was about 10 years old. I would play with it and put it back it in the storage plastic bag. I loved that puzzle so much I never allowed anyone to touch it. I do not remember when I lost it but I remember a few years later I saw one piece around the house and it was damaged, that was pretty hard for me. To this day if you ask me what I own the only thing I can say is my puzzle, that was more than 20 years ago. I am in my early thirties and I that is the only thing I felt like I owned nothing else after that.
Last week’s conversation with my therapist was trying to get me to own my victories – big and small. On paper my achievements are amazing, I feel if I had to read about my achievements with someone else’s name I would be in awe and very impressed, but because they are my achievements I have brushed them off for years. I struggle to OWN my victories. The weird thing is that I am able to fully embrace my mistakes and failures and fret over them. I would go as far as saying that I actually have a list of all the mistakes I have made and the things I said I should not have said – that part I can OWN. Meaning I find it easy to beat myself up but struggle to pat myself on the back. I want this to change, I want to OWN more then just a puzzle I owned years ago. I want to own my academic achievements, my happiness, my peace, my confidence, my success, my kindness, my compassion, my love, my assets, my body wholly as much as I own my shortcomings.