I believe we all have that soft inner voice that speaks so much wisdom within us every single day. With some people it very loud and clear while others might not hear it at all. I was one of those who thought my inner wisdom has forsaken me and left me to fend for myself. I thought maybe I needed to be calmer as a person so it would come back or that it could not coexist with my anxieties. I knew the only way I could be calmer is by meditating (something I need to start doing). However, I just realized that my inner voice finally came back, saying it came back isn’t really the most accurate description of how I heard it again because it never left.
What my inner wisdom filled voice did was change form and that is how I thought it disappeared because when it changed form I could not recognize it anymore. It used to be so soft and soothing, it had answers to all my questions but i remember now that when I stopped hearing it I started experiencing bouts of intense anger. I remember telling a friend a few years ago that I stopped meditating because during a session I tapped into a pit of anger that I never knew existed. It was so raw and hurt that it scared me. Instead of digging deep I stopped meditating all together to this day. After the discovery it felt like I poked a sleeping bear and I would get so angry over the simplest things and when anything happened the first emotion I felt was anger. This same anger engulfed my beautiful innocent inner voice to a point where I couldn’t recognize it anymore….. I was reluctant to face the anger but it kept nagging me. A part of me wanted to know what this anger meant, what was it telling me and so I did some soul searching and realized that my anger was an indicator. Whenever I felt like something was not right instead of recognizing this and taking a step back then deal with it I get angry. It is such a relief that I am starting to finally starting to understand the anger.