Guilt and Anxieties
I have been suffering from paralyzing anxieties the past month, it has come to a point where it started showing itself in my physical health. Yet again I found myself walking around like a zombie and turning to food for some comfort that is not really comfort but that is the only thing I know that distracts me from the anxieties. I have prayed and I have taken a step back. I keep smiling to the world but there is a part of me that is screaming out for help I don’t know what type of help I even need. I also wonder if there is anything that can help me apart from prayer.
I know if I talk to someone it would help however I don’t want to burden loved ones with the heavy feeling I have now. I am grateful though that God has shown me titbits of the roots of this feeling. I found myself asking if I have been kind to myself? Have I been gentle? No is the only answer I have to both questions. I have not been kind to myself. I have been ridden with guilt. Guilty that I am not doing enough at my new job, guilty that I am not giving my dog the best, guilty that I am not doing enough for my parents, guilty that my finances are not where they are suppose to be, guilty that I am not a good friend because I have been isolating myself, guilty that I have not been taking care of my health because I have been eating junk to make myself better, guilty that I see people around me in pain and there is nothing I can do to help, guilty that I have not executed the ideas I have, guilty that I have not done anything for my side business, guilty that I have not gone to church in so long, guilty that I feel like I am not strong enough, guilty that I have not been loving, guilty that I have not been happy in a long time.
Guilt has led to so much self-abuse and anxieties and I don’t want this anymore. I need to remind myself that I am doing the best with what I have…..