Feel Your Feelings

Feel Your Feelings | TheCuriousGemini| Photo cred: Dani_vr / Foter

Last night I went for my usual jog. I usually jog about 2 km and the route I take goes past my friend’s house. Growing up I remember us spending everyday together. When it was late and we happen to be at her house, she would escort me home (our homes where about 400 metres apart) then just before we get to my house I would walk her home and just before we get to her house we would decide that she needs to walk me home and this would go on for hours and the entire time we would be talking, those were special moments. For an introvert I can only deal with a few people for a long period of time and she was one of them.

My friend passed in 2014, sadly I was not in the country and could not attend her funeral so that was rather painful to deal with. I have dealt with the passing of a loved one before and when someone asks me how you get over it I always tell them that you never get over something so tragic but you learn to live with it, it gets better and in order for this to happen you need to feel your feelings. With my friends passing, I forgot this very important lesson, at the time I was busy with school so I just buried everything and continued with my life and I was fine (so I thought).

Yesterday, my day was just a normal one, work, home, prepare dinner then go for my late night jog. On my way back home yet again I ran past her house and something didn’t feel quite right, but I ignored it and made it home. Locked myself in my room to complete my workout with a  warm down stretch session. I didn’t know how or where this wave of emotions came from  but in an instant I was overwhelmed with so much emotions regarding my friends passing. Everything I had buried all came rushing back. My chest tightened while I struggled to breathe and I started wailing uncontrollably. I strongly believe in the 7 stages of grieve and although I had gone through the pain and guilt for a brief moment I suddenly felt the magnitude of my loss and it was unbearable. I realized that I needed to give myself time to grieve, I needed to realize that I will never see her beautiful face again most importantly I needed to feel my feelings. Sometimes I get so caught up with ‘life’ that I neglect my emotional health and there is no escaping that, it will eventually demand you to take a step back and acknowledge it. I know one day I will come to a point where I think or talk about her without getting teary but in the meantime I will allow myself to to mourn the passing of a great friend and hold on to the amazing memories. A.N.N

Photo credit: Dani_vr/foter


  1. Gloria

    February 10, 2016 at 10:21 am

    Thank you for sharing. I needed to hear this. keep well <3

    1. Lapaka K

      February 10, 2016 at 10:48 am

      Hi Gloria
      Hope you are doing well 🙂

      1. Gloria

        February 11, 2016 at 6:55 am

        I am doing Ok, but I believe it will be even better if I follow the advise in your post…
        I was wondering whether I know your late friend though…sorry for your loss.

        1. Lapaka K

          February 11, 2016 at 7:08 am

          In time you will be able to smile when you remember the past moments. If they make you cry at the moment that is fine cry if you need to, I found myself crying in an open plan office nogal when I was writing the post yesterday, I allowed myself and was not even embarrassed about it. It felt right at that moment, bottling things up is not a good idea.
          I am sure you know her face maybe not the name. You will be alright one day, we serve a God who is our Comforter 🙂

          1. Gloria

            February 11, 2016 at 7:56 am

            eish…I’m just as introverted as you probably, and the idea of people seeing me in a weak moment just doesn’t go well with me…at least I am not in an open plan office, but my eyes would sell me out if I let it all out at the office…so I suppress it all when the feelings come, which I agree is not a good thing…I need to work on letting loose and allowing myself to be in the moment, no matter who is around me…the one and only person with whom I was able to share my naked self is unfortunately the same person I have to mourn now…so ja, its quite a challenge…I cannot wait for the day when memories and thoughts will be met with a smile and not a tear…

          2. Lapaka K

            February 11, 2016 at 11:15 am

            What if you write the person letters? I remember I would write my sister letters every time I needed to share my feelings so writing also helped me out alot. I know what you mean about looking weak but crying is not a weakness. Don’t you just feel better after crying?
            The world wants us to always be strong, for us to always put on an act like everything is fine even during times you don’t even want to get out of bed and have no plans to ever get out, when all you want is for the pain in your heart to stop and for someone to tell you that it was all a big dream and everything is going back to normal. Even going through that, you are ‘expected’ to be strong, but that is the world’s expectations and that doesn’t mean you need to follow it. The fact that you even make it to work says you are strong but you are still in pain so cry if you need to let it all out at your own time. It surely gets better and remember there might be people who care for you who are willing to listen and support you 🙂

          3. Gloria

            February 11, 2016 at 3:33 pm

            oh yes, I do write a lot…I have a journal, in it I just write about my feelings and thoughts for the day…and when something happens that I want to share with my beloved, I would write it on my FB wall and tag “him” or his profile at least 🙁 …that somehow makes me feel like I’m talking to him…I hear you, crying is not a weakness but it is such a vulnerable state that I shy away from sharing with just anybody, it is one of those things I’ve always kept private…I do it a lot when I am alone, it does feel better afterwards yes…its just that the feelings sometimes creep up when I am not alone, that’s the hard part…I definitely acknowledge and appreciate the people around me that support and care for me…just my character unfortunately does not allow me to completely open up to each person, those connections are rare for me…but ja, whenever I feel overwhelmed, I make time to be alone… :-*

  2. Victoria Songonuga

    February 10, 2016 at 6:28 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing! I’ve learnt a lot, all in one post, and I feel encouraged. I don’t know what its like to lose a very close loved one, but I have lost loved ones and this is encouraging. I myself need to learn to feel my feelings, even in other areas of my life that I have to deal with everyday. Again I thank you for sharing. God bless.

    PS, may I share this blog post on my blog? I will give you all the credit, of course. I just would love to share this post and write on my feelings about it while also sharing a link to this post, so that others may read it.

    Thank you!


    1. Lapaka K

      February 10, 2016 at 6:35 pm

      Hi Victoria

      Thank you for reading my blog post and I am glad it touched you. I agree with you, its important we feel our feelings in all areas of our lives for our own sanity.
      You can definitely share my post, I cant wait to read yours 🙂 God bless

      1. itunufolusewa

        March 6, 2016 at 12:18 am

        Hi! I finally published the blog post! check it out at http://oluwanitori.blogspot.com/2016/03/attempting-to-feel-my-feelings.html
        Let me know what you think!

        1. Lapaka K

          March 6, 2016 at 3:19 pm

          loved your post so much

  3. gigipoo

    February 13, 2016 at 10:03 am

    What a beautiful post—-

  4. lisaorchard1

    February 13, 2016 at 6:40 pm

    Great post. I’m so sorry for your loss. I haven’t lost any of my close friends, yet. But I’m getting older and I know quite a few of them aren’t in the greatest health. I know I’ll have to go through this, too. Thanks for sharing. I’ll remember this post when this happens to me.

    1. Lapaka K

      February 13, 2016 at 7:17 pm

      Hi Lisa. Thank you for your kind words. Cherish the moments you have with your close friends😊

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