Chronicles of a Recovering People Pleaser: Self-Expression
As a recovering people pleaser there is a lot of things I was so used to doing that I am unlearning. I am still surprised that some of the things I though were normal are actually just things I did to get approval from others. Unlearning has been slow and at times I am so impatient with myself I get frustrated.
Recently I started analyzing my silence, why I don’t speak up even if I want to. For so long I thought keeping quiet even when something upsets me meant I would not rock the boat too much. Not anger the next person and so I would continue getting ‘approved’ by that person. On the outside I would pretend like everything was good until I got to the point that I could not take it anymore but I would continue pretending. It was exhausting I must say. This went on for so long but I have noticed that my ability to express my wants, needs and dissatisfaction is non existent. My silence has evolved though, now instead of pretending that all is fine I now shut down. Instead of just saying: ‘hey this is what is happening’ in my head I erase that person and I have found that that is my coping mechanism.
This I have found works well but not when you have to constantly deal with other people. I know the healthy way to deal with situations is to communicate, to express myself and speak up…. I am learning to speak up.
I deserve to be heard, I owe it to myself to be heard, I choose my voice over the approval of others.