Chronicles of a Recovering People Pleaser: Boundaries
As a recovering people pleaser I never knew what boundaries were and this lack of knowledge lead to a lot of heartache and burn outs.
I was that person who could hardly say no to requests by people. At the time I knew I needed to do something about it but had no idea what it was and so the only solution I found was to build a wall around myself that would keep people at a distance. This worked like a charm, I became unapproachable so I didn’t have to entertain a lot of people. Little did I know that being unapproachable was not a good character trait although I thought it was working well at the time.
One thing you should know about people pleaser is that while unlearning a lot of bad old habits one usually moves from one extreme to another. The extremes I am referring to is from having no boundaries at all to having walls up so high that the rest of the world would be scared to even peep in your direction. Balance is something we struggle with. The first time I put up a healthy boundary was when a friend was prying into a personal matter that I was not ready to share. What happened was that my boundary led to me losing that friend after that incident. I was proud of myself for standing up for myself but was disappointed by the ending of a beautiful friendship. Instead of looking at the bright side and celebrating a victory, I put my head in the sand and told myself that I needed to build my wall higher because I didn’t want to feel that hurt ever again.
I kept my high wall up until someone pointed it out to me. I had such an AHA moment and realized that I needed to slowly put my guard down and learn healthy personal boundaries. It started with me learning how to say no, I wrote about it in the first part of this series.
I’m now learning about personal boundaries and it is so liberating.
What personal boundaries did you have to set lately my dear readers?